The slim and easy-to-read book titled "Enough: Discovering Joy Through Simplicity and Generosity" (by Adam Hamilton) has been the subject of conversation in our house as we still wait for a referral (to be matched with a child) and for the last half of our adoption process to begin. The crux of the book is the need for contentment in and with our lives, just as they are. It focuses on financial health through the lens of choosing to live with "enough."
There have been many times Ryan and I have become frustrated with the waiting process and all of the questions that surround it. Many days it has felt like our whole life hinges on this one event, which seems to always be three more steps away. It is often as if our life isn't complete until this one thing occurs.
In this frustration, Ryan was reminded of "Enough" and began to remind us of it's importance. Now, just for fun, I tell Ryan, "You, my friend, are PLENTY!" :)
Rebecca
Showing posts with label perspectives. Show all posts
Showing posts with label perspectives. Show all posts
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Another
For someone who loves to write, I feel like I have done a lot of copying lately! Here is yet another.
One question many people ask when someone like us is in the middle of an international adoption is: "Instead of adopting, couldn't you send all that money to the birth parents so the child can stay in their first family and culture?"
Those who adopt probably ask this question of themselves twice as much as they hear it from others. Here is one adoptive mom's thoughtful response.
Why International Adoption and Not Aid Instead?
We are so thankful for a "virtual" adoption community that can express in words what we often find difficult to say.
Rebecca :)
One question many people ask when someone like us is in the middle of an international adoption is: "Instead of adopting, couldn't you send all that money to the birth parents so the child can stay in their first family and culture?"
Those who adopt probably ask this question of themselves twice as much as they hear it from others. Here is one adoptive mom's thoughtful response.
Why International Adoption and Not Aid Instead?
We are so thankful for a "virtual" adoption community that can express in words what we often find difficult to say.
Rebecca :)
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Women and girls...
I borrowed this link from a fellow blogger. I have found so many New York Times reports that are irresistable. This is one of them.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Fathers and Fingerprints
This Fathers' Day I have thought a lot about what next Father's Day might look like and what it will be like to be on the other-side of Fathers' Day. This morning, as I sang in the men's chorus at church with my own father, I thought about how different our family will probably look in a year and how wonderfully exciting and promising that is. I could never have imagined that fatherhood would be such an enchanting prospect.
Friday morning, as Rebecca and I hurriedly got ready for the day, we received a phone call from the immigration office to verify the contact information for our adoption agency. Two weeks ago, during our fingerprinting appointment, the fingerprinting technician (a title I have concocted for my own purposes) told Rebecca that she would probably have to be re-fingerprinted, as they were unable to obtain a clear enough digital image. When we received the phone call from immigration, we were informed that both of our fingerprints had passed and that we were (as of June 19, 2009) officially approved by the United States Government to bring to the U.S. a child of foreign birth.
We have now completed the largest body of paperwork for the adoption of our child that we will have to complete. It is remarkable to imagine that, as our documents are being translated for use by the Ethiopian Government, that our child may have already been born. During the next several months, as we wait for our referral, we will both try to imagine what our child will look like, what gender it will be, what his or her personality will be like. I suppose that the next several months will be much like the time frame in a traditional pregnancy when you await seeing the baby move in an ultrasound and await hearing the beating of his or her heart for the first time. The next few months will undoubtedly be filled with much wonder and more than a little excitement and anticipation. It is reassuring to know that sometime, in the not so distant future, we will receive a picture of our child - possibly the most incredible 3-D ultrasound we could receive.
Ryan
Friday morning, as Rebecca and I hurriedly got ready for the day, we received a phone call from the immigration office to verify the contact information for our adoption agency. Two weeks ago, during our fingerprinting appointment, the fingerprinting technician (a title I have concocted for my own purposes) told Rebecca that she would probably have to be re-fingerprinted, as they were unable to obtain a clear enough digital image. When we received the phone call from immigration, we were informed that both of our fingerprints had passed and that we were (as of June 19, 2009) officially approved by the United States Government to bring to the U.S. a child of foreign birth.
We have now completed the largest body of paperwork for the adoption of our child that we will have to complete. It is remarkable to imagine that, as our documents are being translated for use by the Ethiopian Government, that our child may have already been born. During the next several months, as we wait for our referral, we will both try to imagine what our child will look like, what gender it will be, what his or her personality will be like. I suppose that the next several months will be much like the time frame in a traditional pregnancy when you await seeing the baby move in an ultrasound and await hearing the beating of his or her heart for the first time. The next few months will undoubtedly be filled with much wonder and more than a little excitement and anticipation. It is reassuring to know that sometime, in the not so distant future, we will receive a picture of our child - possibly the most incredible 3-D ultrasound we could receive.
Ryan
Friday, May 29, 2009
I am
The planner in me is anxious today...about adoption, work, life, the greeness of our grass, etc... Unfortunately (and fortunately) for my ever-positive husband, I am a planner by engineering (God made me this way). I am always planning and figuring. In fact, if you ask what I do most in life, it is probably figure. I am constantly running numbers in my head and on paper.
All-in-all, I want to know one thing - The Way - the way our adoption will come to completion, the way we will have time and finances to care for our new little one, the way we will both find fulfillment in our lives and careers, the way I will make it through the months and months of waiting without driving my dear husband to drink.
This morning, I was doing as I always do, blow-drying my hair and figuring. Putting contacts onto my eye balls and wondering.
"I just don't see the way," I said.
"I am the way," God spoke.
"What?"
"I am the way. You can't see the way because you are looking at facts and not looking at me. I AM THE WAY."
How, indeed, can one person be so stubborn?
Rebecca ;)
All-in-all, I want to know one thing - The Way - the way our adoption will come to completion, the way we will have time and finances to care for our new little one, the way we will both find fulfillment in our lives and careers, the way I will make it through the months and months of waiting without driving my dear husband to drink.
This morning, I was doing as I always do, blow-drying my hair and figuring. Putting contacts onto my eye balls and wondering.
"I just don't see the way," I said.
"I am the way," God spoke.
"What?"
"I am the way. You can't see the way because you are looking at facts and not looking at me. I AM THE WAY."
How, indeed, can one person be so stubborn?
Rebecca ;)
Monday, May 18, 2009
D.T.E.
The adoption process seems to be a process characterized by a series of beginnings, which culminate in yet another beginning - the formation of a new family. Today marks another such beginning.
Around 6:30 this evening we received an official email from our agency notifying us that our dossier (all of the paperwork we have so diligently been gathering)is in the mail to Ethiopia where it will be translated and processed. Among families adopting from Ethiopia, this is known as being "D.T.E.," dossier to Ethiopia. Essentially, this begins the official adoption process.
Each month between now and when our referral (the picture and known medical information of a child)is received we will be able to contact the agency for an update on the anniversary date of our D.T.E.. We hope to have a referral sometime after Labor Day, and to travel to Ethiopia sometime between December 2009 and Spring 2010. While this is far from a timeline, it does provide some framework in which to work.
In the beginning, when everything seems far off, this crude framework offers some sense of control and stability. Ultimately, the timeline is not our own. We will continue to anxiously anticipate seeing our child's face for the first time in a picture, and we will continue to anxiously anticipate holding our child for the first time.
We could not be more excited as we look forward into what seems like endless seconds, hours, weeks, and months from one beginning toward the next.
Ryan
Around 6:30 this evening we received an official email from our agency notifying us that our dossier (all of the paperwork we have so diligently been gathering)is in the mail to Ethiopia where it will be translated and processed. Among families adopting from Ethiopia, this is known as being "D.T.E.," dossier to Ethiopia. Essentially, this begins the official adoption process.
Each month between now and when our referral (the picture and known medical information of a child)is received we will be able to contact the agency for an update on the anniversary date of our D.T.E.. We hope to have a referral sometime after Labor Day, and to travel to Ethiopia sometime between December 2009 and Spring 2010. While this is far from a timeline, it does provide some framework in which to work.
In the beginning, when everything seems far off, this crude framework offers some sense of control and stability. Ultimately, the timeline is not our own. We will continue to anxiously anticipate seeing our child's face for the first time in a picture, and we will continue to anxiously anticipate holding our child for the first time.
We could not be more excited as we look forward into what seems like endless seconds, hours, weeks, and months from one beginning toward the next.
Ryan
An article and photos - too good to miss
An article worth your 10 minutes...plus.
http://contexts.org/articles/winter-2009/the-lucky-one/
Photos that will keep you coming back for more. No, I don't know the photographer, but I may before long!
http://www.elenarue.com/artist.asp?ArtistID=3576&AKey=6P346RXE
Thanks for reading.
Rebecca
http://contexts.org/articles/winter-2009/the-lucky-one/
Photos that will keep you coming back for more. No, I don't know the photographer, but I may before long!
http://www.elenarue.com/artist.asp?ArtistID=3576&AKey=6P346RXE
Thanks for reading.
Rebecca
Friday, May 15, 2009
Questions all of us have asked...
Here are a few questions posed by an adopting family to the director of our adoption agency. They are questions many of you have probably asked yourself but maybe not had the courage to ask us. I have reposted the questions and the agency director's response below. For your reference, "Layla House" refers to the agency's transition center for children in the process of adoption and "AAI" refers to Adoption Advocates International, our agency.
"This is AAI and other agencies may and probably do do
things differently.
1. Does money change hands in Ethiopia when children are relinquished?
AAI does not take relinquishments from parents. Parents must relinquish to an orphange, and technically Layla House is not an orphanage but a transition home to care for kids in the adoption process. So, by the time AAI gets kids they have already been relinquished. AAI would not accept children from any orphanage that knowingly gives anything to bio parents. This is against the law and not in accordance with Hague regulations, and wrong. It is not likely that this is happening, word would spread very quickly and the orphanage would be shut down.
2. The article (and the one in the NYT last week) seemed to imply that there are in fact NOT millions of orphaned children in Ethiopia. I have been told that there are. Because we do not live there, how can we know what is true?
I don't think that is any way to know for sure how many orphans there are. AIDS has had a huge impact, especially in particular areas, such as the truck routes though Ethiopia. Diseases such as TB and malaria cause children to be orphaned. Single parents can seldom raise a child which leads to abandonment or relinquishment. There are far more children in need that can be served by the current adoption system. This is why AAI has programs such as the orphan student programs in Nazaret, Sheshamone and Dire Dawa, and Dessie, to help orphan kids who can live with extended family and stay in school. AAI provides sponsorships for nearly 500 such children. We currently have 95 sponsors for the program and could certainly use more, $20 a month.
3. The articles implied that families often place children in orphanages so that they might be educated or for a boarding school/ childcare type of scenario. Can someone speak to this?
This is true some places, such as Mexico. I have not seen this in Ethiopia. I think there are so many older orphan children in need in Ethioipa that it is not likely that orphanages would be caring for kids who have family..That is just my guess.
4. Both articles outright said that infants are not who really need adopting. Again, can someone speak to this?
Any child who does not have a family needs one. Whatever age. Babies in need who are adopted do not become older children in need of families. So, babies whose parents have died or who find themselves unable to raise them do need adoptive families. In addition there are many many older kids boys over 7 and girls over 8 or 10, who are hard to place, because there are not enough adoptive families for them. Adopting an older child is not a good choice for many families but for folks who have had parenting experience, it can be a very rewarding and enriching experience. These placements do take a lot of AAI staff time. It would be "easier" to just place babies, but we have always seen our job to be doing as much as we can to help with the greatest need."
"This is AAI and other agencies may and probably do do
things differently.
1. Does money change hands in Ethiopia when children are relinquished?
AAI does not take relinquishments from parents. Parents must relinquish to an orphange, and technically Layla House is not an orphanage but a transition home to care for kids in the adoption process. So, by the time AAI gets kids they have already been relinquished. AAI would not accept children from any orphanage that knowingly gives anything to bio parents. This is against the law and not in accordance with Hague regulations, and wrong. It is not likely that this is happening, word would spread very quickly and the orphanage would be shut down.
2. The article (and the one in the NYT last week) seemed to imply that there are in fact NOT millions of orphaned children in Ethiopia. I have been told that there are. Because we do not live there, how can we know what is true?
I don't think that is any way to know for sure how many orphans there are. AIDS has had a huge impact, especially in particular areas, such as the truck routes though Ethiopia. Diseases such as TB and malaria cause children to be orphaned. Single parents can seldom raise a child which leads to abandonment or relinquishment. There are far more children in need that can be served by the current adoption system. This is why AAI has programs such as the orphan student programs in Nazaret, Sheshamone and Dire Dawa, and Dessie, to help orphan kids who can live with extended family and stay in school. AAI provides sponsorships for nearly 500 such children. We currently have 95 sponsors for the program and could certainly use more, $20 a month.
3. The articles implied that families often place children in orphanages so that they might be educated or for a boarding school/ childcare type of scenario. Can someone speak to this?
This is true some places, such as Mexico. I have not seen this in Ethiopia. I think there are so many older orphan children in need in Ethioipa that it is not likely that orphanages would be caring for kids who have family..That is just my guess.
4. Both articles outright said that infants are not who really need adopting. Again, can someone speak to this?
Any child who does not have a family needs one. Whatever age. Babies in need who are adopted do not become older children in need of families. So, babies whose parents have died or who find themselves unable to raise them do need adoptive families. In addition there are many many older kids boys over 7 and girls over 8 or 10, who are hard to place, because there are not enough adoptive families for them. Adopting an older child is not a good choice for many families but for folks who have had parenting experience, it can be a very rewarding and enriching experience. These placements do take a lot of AAI staff time. It would be "easier" to just place babies, but we have always seen our job to be doing as much as we can to help with the greatest need."
Monday, April 27, 2009
And I said I wouldn't be that crazy anxious person...!
Boy, was I WRONG. I have the adoption bug, and I can't make anything go fast enough. Indeed, I am twice as neurotic as I used to be about everything going in the right order and every answer being filled-in to perfection. The checking and re-checking of email for anwers to simple detail questions has officially begun! (I can't wait to see how nutso I become when we are just waiting for the referral of a child).
Rebecca ;)
Rebecca ;)
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
My Wife has Pretty well Covered it but...
As we journey further into this process it becomes clearer that we may not be as good at waiting as we had anticipated (this will NOT come as a surprise to most of you, only us). As we are anxiously awaiting our home study, I thought I might provide a pictorial review of our journey thus far.
First, pictures of Rebecca, Me, and Mister Freud with the envelope containing our application to adoption advocates.
First, pictures of Rebecca, Me, and Mister Freud with the envelope containing our application to adoption advocates.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
One Bedroom Begins Baby Makeover
We had a slightly-long and very productive weekend. Our "baby room" (the one that is so tiny I'm not sure what else you would do with it) got a good layer of texture and a butter-cream colored paint. It really looks good. Now there is some touch-up to be done on the trim, a second, second coat on the woodwork, and a few baseboards to be painted and cut to fit all around.
We have a wall reserved for a crib, and we even spent a good part of the weekend looking for a crib. In the end, though, I decided I couldn't quite handle a crib just yet. It would just make me more anxious having a crib in a room waiting on a baby with a very INDEFINATE due date. We'll reserve this purchase for a little closer to the end result.
In other news...my husband is the best. He and the guys from our Sunday School class cooked up a very special Valentine's Day dinner for all of the ladies in our SS class on Saturday evening. They even cleaned up! Those who missed it missed out on one of the best Valentine dates ever!
Rebecca ;)
We have a wall reserved for a crib, and we even spent a good part of the weekend looking for a crib. In the end, though, I decided I couldn't quite handle a crib just yet. It would just make me more anxious having a crib in a room waiting on a baby with a very INDEFINATE due date. We'll reserve this purchase for a little closer to the end result.
In other news...my husband is the best. He and the guys from our Sunday School class cooked up a very special Valentine's Day dinner for all of the ladies in our SS class on Saturday evening. They even cleaned up! Those who missed it missed out on one of the best Valentine dates ever!
Rebecca ;)
Monday, February 9, 2009
We Rejoice As They (Hopefully) Sleep
While it is 1:00 in the afternoon here in Oklahoma, it is 3:00am in Guangzhou, where our friends are (hopefully) resting from their first day with their new daughter, Aimee. We rejoice with them and would like to point you to their blog. Please pray for Tony and Gayle, as they are away from their two children, Abbey and Alex to get their new daughter, Aimee, in China.
thethorntonfamily5.blogspot.com
Tony and Gayle, we hope you are sleeping well.
R&R
thethorntonfamily5.blogspot.com
Tony and Gayle, we hope you are sleeping well.
R&R
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Book Recommendation
We have two sets of friends who are each connected to a couple named Josh and Amy Bottomly, who just wrote a book that is now available through their website. We haven't read it yet, but it is supposed to be excellent. It is the story of their relationship, marriage, struggle with infertility and decision to adopt their son from Ethiopia. Here’s the website info if you are interested in ordering. Proceeds from book sales are going to fund their next adoption of a little girl from Ethiopia later this year.
www.fromashestoafrica.com
Rebecca :)
www.fromashestoafrica.com
Rebecca :)
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Thank yous
We received a little blessing in the mail today - a card from a friend who will (for now) go unnamed. The card is yellow with tiny pink and blue baby items floating around words of excitement and congratulations. This, I believe, is our very first baby card, and something we will treasure for years to come. It reminds us that when the paperwork is over and the blood tests have been run, there will be a child waiting on the other side to forever join our family.
THANK YOU.
Along this journey, we have friends who have combed with us through what appeared to be insurmountable paperwork and said, "Just start knocking things out - you could do this tomorrow!" THANK YOU.
At the bank, where I had to get a statement of our accounts and activity for the past year, I was helped by a young lady who was herself adopted. With total dedication to the task of adding 12 months of deposits while talking to me as I stood on the other side of the counter, she said, "This is kinda cool helping someone else adopt. You'll have to show us your baby when you bring it home." THANK YOU.
To those of you who pointed out multi-racial families to us in restaurants and told us we were doing the right thing and made a point to say at Christmas there might be one more next year...THANK YOU.
Rebecca :)
THANK YOU.
Along this journey, we have friends who have combed with us through what appeared to be insurmountable paperwork and said, "Just start knocking things out - you could do this tomorrow!" THANK YOU.
At the bank, where I had to get a statement of our accounts and activity for the past year, I was helped by a young lady who was herself adopted. With total dedication to the task of adding 12 months of deposits while talking to me as I stood on the other side of the counter, she said, "This is kinda cool helping someone else adopt. You'll have to show us your baby when you bring it home." THANK YOU.
To those of you who pointed out multi-racial families to us in restaurants and told us we were doing the right thing and made a point to say at Christmas there might be one more next year...THANK YOU.
Rebecca :)
Sunday, December 21, 2008
The Announcement, Ethiopian Food, & Christmas
It is only a few days from Christmas and we are one step closer to bringing home a child that we do not yet know. It is fun to imagine what he / she might look like, what they will think and say, what they would want for Christmas if they could tell us - if they knew us. Over the past several weeks we have had the joy of telling people about our plans to adopt from Ethiopia and although we have been met with a lot of questions, everyone has been so supportive - it is fun to have so many family members and friends excited with us.
Friday night we had Ethiopian food for the first time as the Queen of Sheba Restaurant. Not only was the food exceptional, but the atmosphere was positively delightful. It was wonderful to experience (even in a microcosm) the culture into which our child will be born - to listen to the music of Ethiopia and to see the faces of her people. We were both so enamoured that we could hardly bring ourselves to leave.
Each step of the way we are reminded that faith plays an important role in this journey and that we have little control over the process. We are both anxious to see our child's face and we are even more anxious to bring him / her home to be a part of our family; yet, we are both constantly aware that the timing of this monumental event is not in our control. We are increasingly aware that we are slowly (sometimes painstakingly) being prepared for the experience of a lifetime - something that relatively few people have had the opportunity to be a part of.
Ryan
Friday night we had Ethiopian food for the first time as the Queen of Sheba Restaurant. Not only was the food exceptional, but the atmosphere was positively delightful. It was wonderful to experience (even in a microcosm) the culture into which our child will be born - to listen to the music of Ethiopia and to see the faces of her people. We were both so enamoured that we could hardly bring ourselves to leave.
Each step of the way we are reminded that faith plays an important role in this journey and that we have little control over the process. We are both anxious to see our child's face and we are even more anxious to bring him / her home to be a part of our family; yet, we are both constantly aware that the timing of this monumental event is not in our control. We are increasingly aware that we are slowly (sometimes painstakingly) being prepared for the experience of a lifetime - something that relatively few people have had the opportunity to be a part of.
Ryan
Thursday, November 6, 2008
The dream that would never come true...
I am convinced it started within me when I was about 6. Maybe 7 or 8 or 10, but in my memory, 6. Our neighbors in New Mexico adopted a beautiful black little girl named LaSheka. Her new adoptive family was white, and she was the only girl amongst 2 or 3 rambunctious high-school boys. As I remember, she had a heart condition that required careful monitoring of her health. At whatever age I was at the time, I often overheard talk about LaSheka. In fact, many of my snapshots from childhood still include her, playing with us in the yard, or around the table at a birthday party.
I remember when the family brought LaSheka home, there were so many new things to learn and adjustments to make. Her mom had to learn how to care for her and her curly black hair, much different than our own. As my big little ears learned more about the family, I determined I, too, would someday have a LaSheka. I was taken by the love this family had for one little girl. I was astounded by their willingness to knowingly adopt a child with health problems, and I was amazed at the idea that people who were different colors could still be siblings.
Fast-forwarding twenty or so years, childhood dreams seem very, well...childish. I didn't ever expect to have the means or know-how to adopt a child, let alone a child from far away with different skin and hair than mine. I believe God, in his infinite wisdom, knew this dream was dormant inside of me. When I married Ryan, we began to discuss Africa. We talked extensively about going there on a mission trip. Each time we looked for ways to go, though, none seemed right or reasonable. As I got to know people in our church who had adopted internationally, I sought to understand the process better and would often ask directed questions, hoping to find out how feasible it was. Gayle, specifically, was always willing to share new pictures of their children as they learned more about each one while preparing to go to China. Often she would mention organizations where I might find out more about international adoption. With each suggestion I would say, "If we went, it would be to Africa."
Slowly I became more convinced that this was a calling, planted when I was very young, and slowly growing into a hurt for the children of Africa and a longing to travel there to see the conditions for myself. Our first move toward the reality of adoption came when we saw a picture of a beautiful child from Uganda on Thomas and Courtney's refrigerator. We found out they supported the child through Compassion International and soon found one of our own, Simeon, who lives in Rwanda. For a while, letters to Simeon and the knowledge that we were helping his family care for him assuaged my longing, but it was Ryan who took over from there.
Being more hands on, Ryan didn't feel we were doing enough through Compassion. He wanted us to have our own children, those we were responsible for caring for daily instead of sending a monthly check and a birthday or Christmas gift. We discussed adoption together with our eyes on the continent of Africa. With the floodgates opened for my old dream to be fulfilled, I began to badger Ryan. We both wanted adopted and birth children, and both felt it they should be close in age (if we had any control at all). It was Ryan, however, after many months of discussion who said, "I think we should adopt first."
Why Africa? Look at the statistics, those dying of starvation, preventable disease, and malnutrition. Look at the beautiful children who care for other children in the streets because their average age of death isn't ninety-something like it is in the United States. Look at the beauty of the country and the impact of adoption on the lives of so many who might be able to one day return to care for their homeland.
Why Ethiopia? There is a well-developed system for adoption in this country. We meet qualifications for adoptive parents such as length of time married and minimum age.
Why a child of a different race? I know race matters, but our society has become much more accepting of multi-racial families, both natural and adopted. I see no reason to limit our family to children who look like us. Indeed, I feel we are called to accept those of other races, not only in word but in deed. For us, that deed is to welcome a child of a different color into our family.
Why now? Ryan and I have become convinced through prayer that God has a child designated for us. We feel called to seek that child and feel called to look in Ethiopia. God has told both of us in numerous ways that if we don't take the first step, we are not acting in faith that it is his plan, not ours that matters. If we had chosen not to mail the application envelope, complete with brief medical history and family photo, I believe we would have been acting in direct opposition to God's call to obedience.
We don't know what God has prepared for our family. We are only sure that as of Sunday, November 2nd, 2008, we have chosen to get out of the way and let God do as he wishes.
Rebecca
I remember when the family brought LaSheka home, there were so many new things to learn and adjustments to make. Her mom had to learn how to care for her and her curly black hair, much different than our own. As my big little ears learned more about the family, I determined I, too, would someday have a LaSheka. I was taken by the love this family had for one little girl. I was astounded by their willingness to knowingly adopt a child with health problems, and I was amazed at the idea that people who were different colors could still be siblings.
Fast-forwarding twenty or so years, childhood dreams seem very, well...childish. I didn't ever expect to have the means or know-how to adopt a child, let alone a child from far away with different skin and hair than mine. I believe God, in his infinite wisdom, knew this dream was dormant inside of me. When I married Ryan, we began to discuss Africa. We talked extensively about going there on a mission trip. Each time we looked for ways to go, though, none seemed right or reasonable. As I got to know people in our church who had adopted internationally, I sought to understand the process better and would often ask directed questions, hoping to find out how feasible it was. Gayle, specifically, was always willing to share new pictures of their children as they learned more about each one while preparing to go to China. Often she would mention organizations where I might find out more about international adoption. With each suggestion I would say, "If we went, it would be to Africa."
Slowly I became more convinced that this was a calling, planted when I was very young, and slowly growing into a hurt for the children of Africa and a longing to travel there to see the conditions for myself. Our first move toward the reality of adoption came when we saw a picture of a beautiful child from Uganda on Thomas and Courtney's refrigerator. We found out they supported the child through Compassion International and soon found one of our own, Simeon, who lives in Rwanda. For a while, letters to Simeon and the knowledge that we were helping his family care for him assuaged my longing, but it was Ryan who took over from there.
Being more hands on, Ryan didn't feel we were doing enough through Compassion. He wanted us to have our own children, those we were responsible for caring for daily instead of sending a monthly check and a birthday or Christmas gift. We discussed adoption together with our eyes on the continent of Africa. With the floodgates opened for my old dream to be fulfilled, I began to badger Ryan. We both wanted adopted and birth children, and both felt it they should be close in age (if we had any control at all). It was Ryan, however, after many months of discussion who said, "I think we should adopt first."
Why Africa? Look at the statistics, those dying of starvation, preventable disease, and malnutrition. Look at the beautiful children who care for other children in the streets because their average age of death isn't ninety-something like it is in the United States. Look at the beauty of the country and the impact of adoption on the lives of so many who might be able to one day return to care for their homeland.
Why Ethiopia? There is a well-developed system for adoption in this country. We meet qualifications for adoptive parents such as length of time married and minimum age.
Why a child of a different race? I know race matters, but our society has become much more accepting of multi-racial families, both natural and adopted. I see no reason to limit our family to children who look like us. Indeed, I feel we are called to accept those of other races, not only in word but in deed. For us, that deed is to welcome a child of a different color into our family.
Why now? Ryan and I have become convinced through prayer that God has a child designated for us. We feel called to seek that child and feel called to look in Ethiopia. God has told both of us in numerous ways that if we don't take the first step, we are not acting in faith that it is his plan, not ours that matters. If we had chosen not to mail the application envelope, complete with brief medical history and family photo, I believe we would have been acting in direct opposition to God's call to obedience.
We don't know what God has prepared for our family. We are only sure that as of Sunday, November 2nd, 2008, we have chosen to get out of the way and let God do as he wishes.
Rebecca
The Mailbox
Looking back, I am sorry that we didn't take a picture as we apprehensively dropped the standard #10 envelope containing our application for adoption in the mailbox. The simple and singular act represented for Rebecca and I the culmination of several years of talking and praying as we considered the prospect of international adoption. Since there is no snapshot by which to remember this monumental first step, it will be immortalized here, as the first entry in our family blog.
Many of you will be reading this several weeks after it was initially posted, and I hope that it will serve as a brief (or not so brief) history of how and why we made the decision to adopt.
Three years ago, while Rebecca and I were part of a group Bible study, we began to feel drawn to the continent of Africa. We began to develop a deep empathy for the continent and its people and we felt that someday we would be in service to its people. At the time we both thought (and feared) that we would be called into the mission field and that we would be relegated to an out-posted tribal village far from the familiarity of our homes and our families.
During the past three years, we have often revisited the time when we felt so undeniably drawn to Africa and its people; however, we have never quite been able to reconcile what this meant for our lives. Neither of us see ourselves as missionaries (at least not in the traditional sense of the title), and we have both often remarked how at home we feel in the skin of our lives. We enjoy our jobs, our friends, our church; in fact, there is little that we really feel inclined to change too drastically.
Periodically, we have discussed having children. We have discussed when and how many and how close together in age they should be, all things that I assume most couples discuss when the topic of children arises. In addition to those "typical" discussion points, we also discussed how wonderful it would be to have an ethnically diverse family. Initially, these discussions were fleeting and our comments passing; however, as we began to discuss our "ideal" family at greater length, it became apparent that we both greatly desired to have both children who were white as well as children of color. I was almost immediately reminded of our very serious discussions two years earlier of Africa , the needs of its people, and our desire to be invested in both. In the six months to a year to follow, we first jointly and then separately began to realize that our calling to Africa was not one that required us to leave American soil and live in an unfamiliar place, but rather that it required us to only visit that unfamiliar place and that it required us to raise one of its sons or daughters. Specifically, we were drawn to the country of Ethiopia in eastern Africa.
At this juncture, I should be clear, that this was in no way an epiphany or even and "ah-ha moment," but rather a slow revelation forged through research and soul searching. We have each asked, both separately and of each other what it will mean for an African child to be raised in a white family. We have asked what others will think as we become "conspicuous." We have wondered how paramount the roll of race is in modern society. And we have asked if what we are doing is even right at all. During the past several months we have managed to find at least partial answers to some of those questions and we have become more comfortable with wondering what the answers are to the others. We do not pretend to fully understand what we have committed ourselves to, but we are trusting that God understands the process and that we will ultimately be given the desires of our heart.
As with a pregnancy (or at least I infer as with a pregnancy) we are excited and terrified. While we know many people who have adopted, many internationally, this process is still new and unfamiliar and certainly unconventional. We expect that there will be lots of questions and we a are looking forward to answering them. We hope that you will join in our excitement as we begin this journey into what feels like a veritable unknown. Faith led us to take the initial steps in this process and it led us to a blue metal mailbox. It is our belief that it will lead us far beyond that mailbox and that the journey will be filled with surprises.
Ryan
Many of you will be reading this several weeks after it was initially posted, and I hope that it will serve as a brief (or not so brief) history of how and why we made the decision to adopt.
Three years ago, while Rebecca and I were part of a group Bible study, we began to feel drawn to the continent of Africa. We began to develop a deep empathy for the continent and its people and we felt that someday we would be in service to its people. At the time we both thought (and feared) that we would be called into the mission field and that we would be relegated to an out-posted tribal village far from the familiarity of our homes and our families.
During the past three years, we have often revisited the time when we felt so undeniably drawn to Africa and its people; however, we have never quite been able to reconcile what this meant for our lives. Neither of us see ourselves as missionaries (at least not in the traditional sense of the title), and we have both often remarked how at home we feel in the skin of our lives. We enjoy our jobs, our friends, our church; in fact, there is little that we really feel inclined to change too drastically.
Periodically, we have discussed having children. We have discussed when and how many and how close together in age they should be, all things that I assume most couples discuss when the topic of children arises. In addition to those "typical" discussion points, we also discussed how wonderful it would be to have an ethnically diverse family. Initially, these discussions were fleeting and our comments passing; however, as we began to discuss our "ideal" family at greater length, it became apparent that we both greatly desired to have both children who were white as well as children of color. I was almost immediately reminded of our very serious discussions two years earlier of Africa , the needs of its people, and our desire to be invested in both. In the six months to a year to follow, we first jointly and then separately began to realize that our calling to Africa was not one that required us to leave American soil and live in an unfamiliar place, but rather that it required us to only visit that unfamiliar place and that it required us to raise one of its sons or daughters. Specifically, we were drawn to the country of Ethiopia in eastern Africa.
At this juncture, I should be clear, that this was in no way an epiphany or even and "ah-ha moment," but rather a slow revelation forged through research and soul searching. We have each asked, both separately and of each other what it will mean for an African child to be raised in a white family. We have asked what others will think as we become "conspicuous." We have wondered how paramount the roll of race is in modern society. And we have asked if what we are doing is even right at all. During the past several months we have managed to find at least partial answers to some of those questions and we have become more comfortable with wondering what the answers are to the others. We do not pretend to fully understand what we have committed ourselves to, but we are trusting that God understands the process and that we will ultimately be given the desires of our heart.
As with a pregnancy (or at least I infer as with a pregnancy) we are excited and terrified. While we know many people who have adopted, many internationally, this process is still new and unfamiliar and certainly unconventional. We expect that there will be lots of questions and we a are looking forward to answering them. We hope that you will join in our excitement as we begin this journey into what feels like a veritable unknown. Faith led us to take the initial steps in this process and it led us to a blue metal mailbox. It is our belief that it will lead us far beyond that mailbox and that the journey will be filled with surprises.
Ryan
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