The planner in me is anxious today...about adoption, work, life, the greeness of our grass, etc... Unfortunately (and fortunately) for my ever-positive husband, I am a planner by engineering (God made me this way). I am always planning and figuring. In fact, if you ask what I do most in life, it is probably figure. I am constantly running numbers in my head and on paper.
All-in-all, I want to know one thing - The Way - the way our adoption will come to completion, the way we will have time and finances to care for our new little one, the way we will both find fulfillment in our lives and careers, the way I will make it through the months and months of waiting without driving my dear husband to drink.
This morning, I was doing as I always do, blow-drying my hair and figuring. Putting contacts onto my eye balls and wondering.
"I just don't see the way," I said.
"I am the way," God spoke.
"What?"
"I am the way. You can't see the way because you are looking at facts and not looking at me. I AM THE WAY."
How, indeed, can one person be so stubborn?
Rebecca ;)
Friday, May 29, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
D.T.E.
The adoption process seems to be a process characterized by a series of beginnings, which culminate in yet another beginning - the formation of a new family. Today marks another such beginning.
Around 6:30 this evening we received an official email from our agency notifying us that our dossier (all of the paperwork we have so diligently been gathering)is in the mail to Ethiopia where it will be translated and processed. Among families adopting from Ethiopia, this is known as being "D.T.E.," dossier to Ethiopia. Essentially, this begins the official adoption process.
Each month between now and when our referral (the picture and known medical information of a child)is received we will be able to contact the agency for an update on the anniversary date of our D.T.E.. We hope to have a referral sometime after Labor Day, and to travel to Ethiopia sometime between December 2009 and Spring 2010. While this is far from a timeline, it does provide some framework in which to work.
In the beginning, when everything seems far off, this crude framework offers some sense of control and stability. Ultimately, the timeline is not our own. We will continue to anxiously anticipate seeing our child's face for the first time in a picture, and we will continue to anxiously anticipate holding our child for the first time.
We could not be more excited as we look forward into what seems like endless seconds, hours, weeks, and months from one beginning toward the next.
Ryan
Around 6:30 this evening we received an official email from our agency notifying us that our dossier (all of the paperwork we have so diligently been gathering)is in the mail to Ethiopia where it will be translated and processed. Among families adopting from Ethiopia, this is known as being "D.T.E.," dossier to Ethiopia. Essentially, this begins the official adoption process.
Each month between now and when our referral (the picture and known medical information of a child)is received we will be able to contact the agency for an update on the anniversary date of our D.T.E.. We hope to have a referral sometime after Labor Day, and to travel to Ethiopia sometime between December 2009 and Spring 2010. While this is far from a timeline, it does provide some framework in which to work.
In the beginning, when everything seems far off, this crude framework offers some sense of control and stability. Ultimately, the timeline is not our own. We will continue to anxiously anticipate seeing our child's face for the first time in a picture, and we will continue to anxiously anticipate holding our child for the first time.
We could not be more excited as we look forward into what seems like endless seconds, hours, weeks, and months from one beginning toward the next.
Ryan
An article and photos - too good to miss
An article worth your 10 minutes...plus.
http://contexts.org/articles/winter-2009/the-lucky-one/
Photos that will keep you coming back for more. No, I don't know the photographer, but I may before long!
http://www.elenarue.com/artist.asp?ArtistID=3576&AKey=6P346RXE
Thanks for reading.
Rebecca
http://contexts.org/articles/winter-2009/the-lucky-one/
Photos that will keep you coming back for more. No, I don't know the photographer, but I may before long!
http://www.elenarue.com/artist.asp?ArtistID=3576&AKey=6P346RXE
Thanks for reading.
Rebecca
Friday, May 15, 2009
Questions all of us have asked...
Here are a few questions posed by an adopting family to the director of our adoption agency. They are questions many of you have probably asked yourself but maybe not had the courage to ask us. I have reposted the questions and the agency director's response below. For your reference, "Layla House" refers to the agency's transition center for children in the process of adoption and "AAI" refers to Adoption Advocates International, our agency.
"This is AAI and other agencies may and probably do do
things differently.
1. Does money change hands in Ethiopia when children are relinquished?
AAI does not take relinquishments from parents. Parents must relinquish to an orphange, and technically Layla House is not an orphanage but a transition home to care for kids in the adoption process. So, by the time AAI gets kids they have already been relinquished. AAI would not accept children from any orphanage that knowingly gives anything to bio parents. This is against the law and not in accordance with Hague regulations, and wrong. It is not likely that this is happening, word would spread very quickly and the orphanage would be shut down.
2. The article (and the one in the NYT last week) seemed to imply that there are in fact NOT millions of orphaned children in Ethiopia. I have been told that there are. Because we do not live there, how can we know what is true?
I don't think that is any way to know for sure how many orphans there are. AIDS has had a huge impact, especially in particular areas, such as the truck routes though Ethiopia. Diseases such as TB and malaria cause children to be orphaned. Single parents can seldom raise a child which leads to abandonment or relinquishment. There are far more children in need that can be served by the current adoption system. This is why AAI has programs such as the orphan student programs in Nazaret, Sheshamone and Dire Dawa, and Dessie, to help orphan kids who can live with extended family and stay in school. AAI provides sponsorships for nearly 500 such children. We currently have 95 sponsors for the program and could certainly use more, $20 a month.
3. The articles implied that families often place children in orphanages so that they might be educated or for a boarding school/ childcare type of scenario. Can someone speak to this?
This is true some places, such as Mexico. I have not seen this in Ethiopia. I think there are so many older orphan children in need in Ethioipa that it is not likely that orphanages would be caring for kids who have family..That is just my guess.
4. Both articles outright said that infants are not who really need adopting. Again, can someone speak to this?
Any child who does not have a family needs one. Whatever age. Babies in need who are adopted do not become older children in need of families. So, babies whose parents have died or who find themselves unable to raise them do need adoptive families. In addition there are many many older kids boys over 7 and girls over 8 or 10, who are hard to place, because there are not enough adoptive families for them. Adopting an older child is not a good choice for many families but for folks who have had parenting experience, it can be a very rewarding and enriching experience. These placements do take a lot of AAI staff time. It would be "easier" to just place babies, but we have always seen our job to be doing as much as we can to help with the greatest need."
"This is AAI and other agencies may and probably do do
things differently.
1. Does money change hands in Ethiopia when children are relinquished?
AAI does not take relinquishments from parents. Parents must relinquish to an orphange, and technically Layla House is not an orphanage but a transition home to care for kids in the adoption process. So, by the time AAI gets kids they have already been relinquished. AAI would not accept children from any orphanage that knowingly gives anything to bio parents. This is against the law and not in accordance with Hague regulations, and wrong. It is not likely that this is happening, word would spread very quickly and the orphanage would be shut down.
2. The article (and the one in the NYT last week) seemed to imply that there are in fact NOT millions of orphaned children in Ethiopia. I have been told that there are. Because we do not live there, how can we know what is true?
I don't think that is any way to know for sure how many orphans there are. AIDS has had a huge impact, especially in particular areas, such as the truck routes though Ethiopia. Diseases such as TB and malaria cause children to be orphaned. Single parents can seldom raise a child which leads to abandonment or relinquishment. There are far more children in need that can be served by the current adoption system. This is why AAI has programs such as the orphan student programs in Nazaret, Sheshamone and Dire Dawa, and Dessie, to help orphan kids who can live with extended family and stay in school. AAI provides sponsorships for nearly 500 such children. We currently have 95 sponsors for the program and could certainly use more, $20 a month.
3. The articles implied that families often place children in orphanages so that they might be educated or for a boarding school/ childcare type of scenario. Can someone speak to this?
This is true some places, such as Mexico. I have not seen this in Ethiopia. I think there are so many older orphan children in need in Ethioipa that it is not likely that orphanages would be caring for kids who have family..That is just my guess.
4. Both articles outright said that infants are not who really need adopting. Again, can someone speak to this?
Any child who does not have a family needs one. Whatever age. Babies in need who are adopted do not become older children in need of families. So, babies whose parents have died or who find themselves unable to raise them do need adoptive families. In addition there are many many older kids boys over 7 and girls over 8 or 10, who are hard to place, because there are not enough adoptive families for them. Adopting an older child is not a good choice for many families but for folks who have had parenting experience, it can be a very rewarding and enriching experience. These placements do take a lot of AAI staff time. It would be "easier" to just place babies, but we have always seen our job to be doing as much as we can to help with the greatest need."
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
AAI Blog
Are you curious about the agency we are working with to adopt our child? Do you want to know more about humanitarian work in Ethiopia? Our agency has just put together a blog to keep you (and us) updated on their work.
You can visit them at http://www.aainews.blogspot.com/!
You are also welcome to visit their agency site at http://www.adoptionadvocates.org/.
Happy Hunting!
Rebecca
You can visit them at http://www.aainews.blogspot.com/!
You are also welcome to visit their agency site at http://www.adoptionadvocates.org/.
Happy Hunting!
Rebecca
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
One tiny form...
is lost in mail never-never-land. It will hold up the rest of the process for our file while we re-sign it, re-notarize it, re-authenticate it through the Secretary of State, and re-mail it to AAI. This is the true story of any adoption. Little things become big as we work through this process.
Today I was with a very good friend who told me a story of how she has marveled at the way God orchestrates changes in our lives through tiny movements unbeknownst to us as we scurry through. In the Bible, there is a story about a man named Joseph who was cherished by his father but not his brothers. He was sold by his brothers into slavery, yet through it all, God brought the right people to the right places to act out a great work. Joseph became a great man in the nation in which he began as a slave. He ended up feeding his brothers during famine and caring for his first family when they could not care for themselves. My dear friend recounted this story as she shared with me how wonderful it was to know that God is "behind the scenes" working a wonderful plan for us.
As we chase yet another state seal and another important form, I rest in the hope that God is orchestrating a very delicate and detailed process to bring about great beauty for our lives and the lives of those around us.
Just a few days ago, I was a bit discouraged and wondered truly if Ryan and I have the faith this process requires. Indeed, at the time, I felt we did NOT have the faith needed. This verse which has been fairly meaningless to this point became a source of God's answer to me in that moment.
Matthew 19:14
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
God does not begin with "if you have enough faith, let the children come..." He simply asks us to stand out of the way of progress for those to whom the kingdom belongs.
Rebecca
Today I was with a very good friend who told me a story of how she has marveled at the way God orchestrates changes in our lives through tiny movements unbeknownst to us as we scurry through. In the Bible, there is a story about a man named Joseph who was cherished by his father but not his brothers. He was sold by his brothers into slavery, yet through it all, God brought the right people to the right places to act out a great work. Joseph became a great man in the nation in which he began as a slave. He ended up feeding his brothers during famine and caring for his first family when they could not care for themselves. My dear friend recounted this story as she shared with me how wonderful it was to know that God is "behind the scenes" working a wonderful plan for us.
As we chase yet another state seal and another important form, I rest in the hope that God is orchestrating a very delicate and detailed process to bring about great beauty for our lives and the lives of those around us.
Just a few days ago, I was a bit discouraged and wondered truly if Ryan and I have the faith this process requires. Indeed, at the time, I felt we did NOT have the faith needed. This verse which has been fairly meaningless to this point became a source of God's answer to me in that moment.
Matthew 19:14
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
God does not begin with "if you have enough faith, let the children come..." He simply asks us to stand out of the way of progress for those to whom the kingdom belongs.
Rebecca
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