It is only a few days from Christmas and we are one step closer to bringing home a child that we do not yet know. It is fun to imagine what he / she might look like, what they will think and say, what they would want for Christmas if they could tell us - if they knew us. Over the past several weeks we have had the joy of telling people about our plans to adopt from Ethiopia and although we have been met with a lot of questions, everyone has been so supportive - it is fun to have so many family members and friends excited with us.
Friday night we had Ethiopian food for the first time as the Queen of Sheba Restaurant. Not only was the food exceptional, but the atmosphere was positively delightful. It was wonderful to experience (even in a microcosm) the culture into which our child will be born - to listen to the music of Ethiopia and to see the faces of her people. We were both so enamoured that we could hardly bring ourselves to leave.
Each step of the way we are reminded that faith plays an important role in this journey and that we have little control over the process. We are both anxious to see our child's face and we are even more anxious to bring him / her home to be a part of our family; yet, we are both constantly aware that the timing of this monumental event is not in our control. We are increasingly aware that we are slowly (sometimes painstakingly) being prepared for the experience of a lifetime - something that relatively few people have had the opportunity to be a part of.
Ryan
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
One more step...one mustard seed
Yesterday, December 18th and only 1 week before Christmas 2008, we mailed back step 2 to the adoption agency. We are both so excited. As we looked over all of the forms that needed to be signed and homework that needed to be done, we became a bit overwhelmed by the process, and frankly, it just took us a while to get through it all.
There was a workbook complete with CD computer lessons for our completion along with a "short questionnaire" which was more like two pages of essay questions on how we would handle various difficult scenerios related to our new child. Some of the questions seemed a little outlandish, but we took them seriously, thinking through what we would do. Who knows...someday we may run into one of the trouble spots and look back on our answers to determine what to do next. Maybe you are more clear-headed when you are not right in the middle of it all. Anyway, the "homework" made us consider lots of things we had not researched and caused us to ask lots of good questions of ourselves and others.
Needless to say, even after the overwhelmed feelings and the "academic research on transracial adoption," we have decided this is still the path for us. We are more committed than ever to learn as much as we can about raising children who don't look like us next to those who will.
What's next? Lots of documents, background checks, and detailed information on us...Then homestudy. We expect to be TO the homestudy in about 8 weeks and for the study itself to take another 8.
About the mustard seed. It seems we need just one more mustard seed of faith to move forward through each step. We look forward to finding the next one and using it to get closer to having a beautiful African baby.
Rebecca
There was a workbook complete with CD computer lessons for our completion along with a "short questionnaire" which was more like two pages of essay questions on how we would handle various difficult scenerios related to our new child. Some of the questions seemed a little outlandish, but we took them seriously, thinking through what we would do. Who knows...someday we may run into one of the trouble spots and look back on our answers to determine what to do next. Maybe you are more clear-headed when you are not right in the middle of it all. Anyway, the "homework" made us consider lots of things we had not researched and caused us to ask lots of good questions of ourselves and others.
Needless to say, even after the overwhelmed feelings and the "academic research on transracial adoption," we have decided this is still the path for us. We are more committed than ever to learn as much as we can about raising children who don't look like us next to those who will.
What's next? Lots of documents, background checks, and detailed information on us...Then homestudy. We expect to be TO the homestudy in about 8 weeks and for the study itself to take another 8.
About the mustard seed. It seems we need just one more mustard seed of faith to move forward through each step. We look forward to finding the next one and using it to get closer to having a beautiful African baby.
Rebecca
Sunday, November 16, 2008
More information arrives
Yesterday, November 15th, 2008, we got our introduction packet from the adoption agency. It included information on our next steps in this process, including signing a "commitment" to the process and to caring for orphans in general. We were extremely excited! We had promised we wouldn't tell anyone about this choice until we heard back from the adoption agency and better understood the process. Although we still don't fully understand the process (I Googled the definitions of the words "dossier" and "homestudy" last night), we have decided it is probably okay to let people know we have begun this journey.
Our paperwork said adoptions from Ethiopia were moving swiftly, and that we should begin assembling our dossier as soon as possible after we receive the dossier packet. The dossier as I understand it is a large file of documents outlining our health condition, financial condition, supposed fitness for caring for a child of another race, etc. It requires such things as certified copies of our birth certificates, marriage certificate, divorce decrees, and other legal documents as well as verification that we have health insurance, life insurance, jobs, etc. Many times I have seen adoptive parents and thought they had it easy because of the lack of birthing and potentially potty-training. How ignorant I was!!! In the U.S., no one asks you to prove your efficacy as a parent before becoming pregnant. Nor do they request proof of health, well-being, positive home life, or financial intelligence! I don't think I will be calling this process easy ever again!
Ryan and I are doubly excited. We have already looked at Babies 'R Us, Stork Land, and Baby USA, dreaming about baby stuff. Of course, dreaming is a little different than when you are pregnant. We could get a two-year-old and skip the crib altogether...
Rebecca :)
Our paperwork said adoptions from Ethiopia were moving swiftly, and that we should begin assembling our dossier as soon as possible after we receive the dossier packet. The dossier as I understand it is a large file of documents outlining our health condition, financial condition, supposed fitness for caring for a child of another race, etc. It requires such things as certified copies of our birth certificates, marriage certificate, divorce decrees, and other legal documents as well as verification that we have health insurance, life insurance, jobs, etc. Many times I have seen adoptive parents and thought they had it easy because of the lack of birthing and potentially potty-training. How ignorant I was!!! In the U.S., no one asks you to prove your efficacy as a parent before becoming pregnant. Nor do they request proof of health, well-being, positive home life, or financial intelligence! I don't think I will be calling this process easy ever again!
Ryan and I are doubly excited. We have already looked at Babies 'R Us, Stork Land, and Baby USA, dreaming about baby stuff. Of course, dreaming is a little different than when you are pregnant. We could get a two-year-old and skip the crib altogether...
Rebecca :)
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Waiting...
We have been told by other families who have experienced the process of adoption that the waiting is the most difficult part.
It has been less than two weeks since we first dropped our application in the mail to Adoption Advocates and we are impatiently waiting for some sort of response.
Good news...the check that accompanied our application cleared our bank on Thursday...I think that might be a good sign.
(I know, it's a little neurotic that we are watching and waiting so intently, but what did you expect).
Ryan
It has been less than two weeks since we first dropped our application in the mail to Adoption Advocates and we are impatiently waiting for some sort of response.
Good news...the check that accompanied our application cleared our bank on Thursday...I think that might be a good sign.
(I know, it's a little neurotic that we are watching and waiting so intently, but what did you expect).
Ryan
Thursday, November 6, 2008
The dream that would never come true...
I am convinced it started within me when I was about 6. Maybe 7 or 8 or 10, but in my memory, 6. Our neighbors in New Mexico adopted a beautiful black little girl named LaSheka. Her new adoptive family was white, and she was the only girl amongst 2 or 3 rambunctious high-school boys. As I remember, she had a heart condition that required careful monitoring of her health. At whatever age I was at the time, I often overheard talk about LaSheka. In fact, many of my snapshots from childhood still include her, playing with us in the yard, or around the table at a birthday party.
I remember when the family brought LaSheka home, there were so many new things to learn and adjustments to make. Her mom had to learn how to care for her and her curly black hair, much different than our own. As my big little ears learned more about the family, I determined I, too, would someday have a LaSheka. I was taken by the love this family had for one little girl. I was astounded by their willingness to knowingly adopt a child with health problems, and I was amazed at the idea that people who were different colors could still be siblings.
Fast-forwarding twenty or so years, childhood dreams seem very, well...childish. I didn't ever expect to have the means or know-how to adopt a child, let alone a child from far away with different skin and hair than mine. I believe God, in his infinite wisdom, knew this dream was dormant inside of me. When I married Ryan, we began to discuss Africa. We talked extensively about going there on a mission trip. Each time we looked for ways to go, though, none seemed right or reasonable. As I got to know people in our church who had adopted internationally, I sought to understand the process better and would often ask directed questions, hoping to find out how feasible it was. Gayle, specifically, was always willing to share new pictures of their children as they learned more about each one while preparing to go to China. Often she would mention organizations where I might find out more about international adoption. With each suggestion I would say, "If we went, it would be to Africa."
Slowly I became more convinced that this was a calling, planted when I was very young, and slowly growing into a hurt for the children of Africa and a longing to travel there to see the conditions for myself. Our first move toward the reality of adoption came when we saw a picture of a beautiful child from Uganda on Thomas and Courtney's refrigerator. We found out they supported the child through Compassion International and soon found one of our own, Simeon, who lives in Rwanda. For a while, letters to Simeon and the knowledge that we were helping his family care for him assuaged my longing, but it was Ryan who took over from there.
Being more hands on, Ryan didn't feel we were doing enough through Compassion. He wanted us to have our own children, those we were responsible for caring for daily instead of sending a monthly check and a birthday or Christmas gift. We discussed adoption together with our eyes on the continent of Africa. With the floodgates opened for my old dream to be fulfilled, I began to badger Ryan. We both wanted adopted and birth children, and both felt it they should be close in age (if we had any control at all). It was Ryan, however, after many months of discussion who said, "I think we should adopt first."
Why Africa? Look at the statistics, those dying of starvation, preventable disease, and malnutrition. Look at the beautiful children who care for other children in the streets because their average age of death isn't ninety-something like it is in the United States. Look at the beauty of the country and the impact of adoption on the lives of so many who might be able to one day return to care for their homeland.
Why Ethiopia? There is a well-developed system for adoption in this country. We meet qualifications for adoptive parents such as length of time married and minimum age.
Why a child of a different race? I know race matters, but our society has become much more accepting of multi-racial families, both natural and adopted. I see no reason to limit our family to children who look like us. Indeed, I feel we are called to accept those of other races, not only in word but in deed. For us, that deed is to welcome a child of a different color into our family.
Why now? Ryan and I have become convinced through prayer that God has a child designated for us. We feel called to seek that child and feel called to look in Ethiopia. God has told both of us in numerous ways that if we don't take the first step, we are not acting in faith that it is his plan, not ours that matters. If we had chosen not to mail the application envelope, complete with brief medical history and family photo, I believe we would have been acting in direct opposition to God's call to obedience.
We don't know what God has prepared for our family. We are only sure that as of Sunday, November 2nd, 2008, we have chosen to get out of the way and let God do as he wishes.
Rebecca
I remember when the family brought LaSheka home, there were so many new things to learn and adjustments to make. Her mom had to learn how to care for her and her curly black hair, much different than our own. As my big little ears learned more about the family, I determined I, too, would someday have a LaSheka. I was taken by the love this family had for one little girl. I was astounded by their willingness to knowingly adopt a child with health problems, and I was amazed at the idea that people who were different colors could still be siblings.
Fast-forwarding twenty or so years, childhood dreams seem very, well...childish. I didn't ever expect to have the means or know-how to adopt a child, let alone a child from far away with different skin and hair than mine. I believe God, in his infinite wisdom, knew this dream was dormant inside of me. When I married Ryan, we began to discuss Africa. We talked extensively about going there on a mission trip. Each time we looked for ways to go, though, none seemed right or reasonable. As I got to know people in our church who had adopted internationally, I sought to understand the process better and would often ask directed questions, hoping to find out how feasible it was. Gayle, specifically, was always willing to share new pictures of their children as they learned more about each one while preparing to go to China. Often she would mention organizations where I might find out more about international adoption. With each suggestion I would say, "If we went, it would be to Africa."
Slowly I became more convinced that this was a calling, planted when I was very young, and slowly growing into a hurt for the children of Africa and a longing to travel there to see the conditions for myself. Our first move toward the reality of adoption came when we saw a picture of a beautiful child from Uganda on Thomas and Courtney's refrigerator. We found out they supported the child through Compassion International and soon found one of our own, Simeon, who lives in Rwanda. For a while, letters to Simeon and the knowledge that we were helping his family care for him assuaged my longing, but it was Ryan who took over from there.
Being more hands on, Ryan didn't feel we were doing enough through Compassion. He wanted us to have our own children, those we were responsible for caring for daily instead of sending a monthly check and a birthday or Christmas gift. We discussed adoption together with our eyes on the continent of Africa. With the floodgates opened for my old dream to be fulfilled, I began to badger Ryan. We both wanted adopted and birth children, and both felt it they should be close in age (if we had any control at all). It was Ryan, however, after many months of discussion who said, "I think we should adopt first."
Why Africa? Look at the statistics, those dying of starvation, preventable disease, and malnutrition. Look at the beautiful children who care for other children in the streets because their average age of death isn't ninety-something like it is in the United States. Look at the beauty of the country and the impact of adoption on the lives of so many who might be able to one day return to care for their homeland.
Why Ethiopia? There is a well-developed system for adoption in this country. We meet qualifications for adoptive parents such as length of time married and minimum age.
Why a child of a different race? I know race matters, but our society has become much more accepting of multi-racial families, both natural and adopted. I see no reason to limit our family to children who look like us. Indeed, I feel we are called to accept those of other races, not only in word but in deed. For us, that deed is to welcome a child of a different color into our family.
Why now? Ryan and I have become convinced through prayer that God has a child designated for us. We feel called to seek that child and feel called to look in Ethiopia. God has told both of us in numerous ways that if we don't take the first step, we are not acting in faith that it is his plan, not ours that matters. If we had chosen not to mail the application envelope, complete with brief medical history and family photo, I believe we would have been acting in direct opposition to God's call to obedience.
We don't know what God has prepared for our family. We are only sure that as of Sunday, November 2nd, 2008, we have chosen to get out of the way and let God do as he wishes.
Rebecca
The Mailbox
Looking back, I am sorry that we didn't take a picture as we apprehensively dropped the standard #10 envelope containing our application for adoption in the mailbox. The simple and singular act represented for Rebecca and I the culmination of several years of talking and praying as we considered the prospect of international adoption. Since there is no snapshot by which to remember this monumental first step, it will be immortalized here, as the first entry in our family blog.
Many of you will be reading this several weeks after it was initially posted, and I hope that it will serve as a brief (or not so brief) history of how and why we made the decision to adopt.
Three years ago, while Rebecca and I were part of a group Bible study, we began to feel drawn to the continent of Africa. We began to develop a deep empathy for the continent and its people and we felt that someday we would be in service to its people. At the time we both thought (and feared) that we would be called into the mission field and that we would be relegated to an out-posted tribal village far from the familiarity of our homes and our families.
During the past three years, we have often revisited the time when we felt so undeniably drawn to Africa and its people; however, we have never quite been able to reconcile what this meant for our lives. Neither of us see ourselves as missionaries (at least not in the traditional sense of the title), and we have both often remarked how at home we feel in the skin of our lives. We enjoy our jobs, our friends, our church; in fact, there is little that we really feel inclined to change too drastically.
Periodically, we have discussed having children. We have discussed when and how many and how close together in age they should be, all things that I assume most couples discuss when the topic of children arises. In addition to those "typical" discussion points, we also discussed how wonderful it would be to have an ethnically diverse family. Initially, these discussions were fleeting and our comments passing; however, as we began to discuss our "ideal" family at greater length, it became apparent that we both greatly desired to have both children who were white as well as children of color. I was almost immediately reminded of our very serious discussions two years earlier of Africa , the needs of its people, and our desire to be invested in both. In the six months to a year to follow, we first jointly and then separately began to realize that our calling to Africa was not one that required us to leave American soil and live in an unfamiliar place, but rather that it required us to only visit that unfamiliar place and that it required us to raise one of its sons or daughters. Specifically, we were drawn to the country of Ethiopia in eastern Africa.
At this juncture, I should be clear, that this was in no way an epiphany or even and "ah-ha moment," but rather a slow revelation forged through research and soul searching. We have each asked, both separately and of each other what it will mean for an African child to be raised in a white family. We have asked what others will think as we become "conspicuous." We have wondered how paramount the roll of race is in modern society. And we have asked if what we are doing is even right at all. During the past several months we have managed to find at least partial answers to some of those questions and we have become more comfortable with wondering what the answers are to the others. We do not pretend to fully understand what we have committed ourselves to, but we are trusting that God understands the process and that we will ultimately be given the desires of our heart.
As with a pregnancy (or at least I infer as with a pregnancy) we are excited and terrified. While we know many people who have adopted, many internationally, this process is still new and unfamiliar and certainly unconventional. We expect that there will be lots of questions and we a are looking forward to answering them. We hope that you will join in our excitement as we begin this journey into what feels like a veritable unknown. Faith led us to take the initial steps in this process and it led us to a blue metal mailbox. It is our belief that it will lead us far beyond that mailbox and that the journey will be filled with surprises.
Ryan
Many of you will be reading this several weeks after it was initially posted, and I hope that it will serve as a brief (or not so brief) history of how and why we made the decision to adopt.
Three years ago, while Rebecca and I were part of a group Bible study, we began to feel drawn to the continent of Africa. We began to develop a deep empathy for the continent and its people and we felt that someday we would be in service to its people. At the time we both thought (and feared) that we would be called into the mission field and that we would be relegated to an out-posted tribal village far from the familiarity of our homes and our families.
During the past three years, we have often revisited the time when we felt so undeniably drawn to Africa and its people; however, we have never quite been able to reconcile what this meant for our lives. Neither of us see ourselves as missionaries (at least not in the traditional sense of the title), and we have both often remarked how at home we feel in the skin of our lives. We enjoy our jobs, our friends, our church; in fact, there is little that we really feel inclined to change too drastically.
Periodically, we have discussed having children. We have discussed when and how many and how close together in age they should be, all things that I assume most couples discuss when the topic of children arises. In addition to those "typical" discussion points, we also discussed how wonderful it would be to have an ethnically diverse family. Initially, these discussions were fleeting and our comments passing; however, as we began to discuss our "ideal" family at greater length, it became apparent that we both greatly desired to have both children who were white as well as children of color. I was almost immediately reminded of our very serious discussions two years earlier of Africa , the needs of its people, and our desire to be invested in both. In the six months to a year to follow, we first jointly and then separately began to realize that our calling to Africa was not one that required us to leave American soil and live in an unfamiliar place, but rather that it required us to only visit that unfamiliar place and that it required us to raise one of its sons or daughters. Specifically, we were drawn to the country of Ethiopia in eastern Africa.
At this juncture, I should be clear, that this was in no way an epiphany or even and "ah-ha moment," but rather a slow revelation forged through research and soul searching. We have each asked, both separately and of each other what it will mean for an African child to be raised in a white family. We have asked what others will think as we become "conspicuous." We have wondered how paramount the roll of race is in modern society. And we have asked if what we are doing is even right at all. During the past several months we have managed to find at least partial answers to some of those questions and we have become more comfortable with wondering what the answers are to the others. We do not pretend to fully understand what we have committed ourselves to, but we are trusting that God understands the process and that we will ultimately be given the desires of our heart.
As with a pregnancy (or at least I infer as with a pregnancy) we are excited and terrified. While we know many people who have adopted, many internationally, this process is still new and unfamiliar and certainly unconventional. We expect that there will be lots of questions and we a are looking forward to answering them. We hope that you will join in our excitement as we begin this journey into what feels like a veritable unknown. Faith led us to take the initial steps in this process and it led us to a blue metal mailbox. It is our belief that it will lead us far beyond that mailbox and that the journey will be filled with surprises.
Ryan
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